Call it a Lesson Learned

Yes, I was burned but I call it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned but I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned so I call it lesson learned
Another lesson learned

- "Lesson Learned" by Alicia Keys

First off, let me apologize to those that were actually reading this on a regular basis… I have been going through a lot of things since my last post in which I was moving to Minnesota – some bad, but most of it very good.

My point in writing today isn't to harp about what I have been doing over the past few months – well, not on purpose, at least.

Recently, I have found myself thinking about the past few years – whom I chose to associate with, whom I chose to date, the choices I made in my career… just to name a few topics. Some of those people I decided that I no longer needed to associate with, and some people decided that they no longer wanted to associate with me. Since I recently got engaged, the reaction to that news from certain people has been interesting to say the least.

Those same reactions have made me look back at how I reacted to some people when they told me they were getting married. I was downright nasty to a few people, and now that I understand where they were at that moment, I honestly feel terrible. The day I proposed to my fiancé was one of the most exciting, emotion-filled days I have ever had in my life, and anyone questioning that decision or trying to detract from that feeling (whether done intentionally or not) honestly made me wonder if I needed to stop associating with more people. I am surprised that the people I reacted negatively towards even speak to me now.

"It is easier to forgive and enemy than it is to forgive a friend." – William Blake

This quote has resonated with me for a while – It is so true because when someone close to you betrays you, you are left in your most vulnerable state because you have let your guard down to them. Betrayal is an expectation of your enemy. You are prepared for it. You are keeping on the lookout for it. You are holding your breath in anticipation of it.

That is the last thing you expect someone you consider a friend or a significant other to do. Take advantage of you at your most vulnerable – most comfortable moment. How do you allow someone into that inner circle again once that level of trust is lost? I still don't have the answer to that question, and honestly wonder if I will ever figure it out.

A Life perfect ain't perfect if you don't know what the struggle's for
Falling down ain't falling down if you don't cry when you hit the floor
It's call the past cause I'm getting past and I ain't nothing like I was before
You oughta see me now

Some more wonderful words from Alicia Keys. I look at where I am now – and what I have discovered is that all we are doing in life is preparing for the next friendship, next job, next moment that will continue to define who you are. The internships and various jobs I have had may add up to 4 pages, but all of that experience was necessary to get me to the place where I am now, and understand where I now want to position myself. The women I have dated in the past have helped me to understand that I should never compromise on what I wanted in a wife. Everyone that has shaped the story that is my life I owe a huge thanks.

Those experiences that have made me mad, made me cry, made me laugh, and most importantly, made me think are indeed the experiences that let me know that I am ready to take the next step.

In the past, I was of the opinion that I needed to have all of my ducks in a row before I took on anyone else's ducks, but the problem is every time you line up your ducks, another one comes along and screws everything up.

At some point, everything comes together and you realize what you want, and then the Creator will lead you to those things – you ultimately have to take that leap of faith and understand that everything that has happened to you in the past is in the past and you went through it and are stronger because of it.

Call it a lesson learned.