Maybe I should read my horoscopes more often.

(same song is playing from yesterday...)

Here are my Horrorscopes for today and yesterday:

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Isn't it funny how something you find annoying in a friend is the very same thing you don't like about yourself? Stop projecting and do some self-examination instead. You might just get to the root of all this brouhaha.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Assuming everyone else has a perfect life is a surefire ticket to Self-pityville. However, facing facts will get you out of there on the express train. Everyone has problems. They're just all different.

***

It has always amazed me how horoscopes can manage to stay vague enough to grasp your attention when something is going on in your life that you desperately want to get resolved. The messages for today and yesterday however have forced me to alter my thinking somewhat - am I orchestrating the very thing that I cannot stand to have in my life?

"What is that thing?" is probably the question on most your minds right now... well I will tell you.

I can't stand drama.
I loathe conflict.
I hate any disruption of my somewhat harmonious world and will avoid it like the great plague with almost reckless abandon.

So adding that "philosophy" if you will with the horrorscopes of the past two days makes me ponder the question, "Is my desire for happiness in my life interfering with the possibility of actually achieving that very same goal?"

What I mean is this - in the past, my reaction to conflict has been to withdraw from it, study it, and then make an informed decision/statement if the conflict itself hasn't subsided already. It could be construed as a punk maneuver, but if you ever conflicted with my father, you would want to sit back and wait for it to subside too (entirely another story for another day). If you look back at my adopted manifesto, you will see that my desire for no conflict feeds seamlessly from this. If you have to ride in a boat and you get seasick, it's usually best to keep it from rocking as much as possible. You still have to ride in the boat. Mike said it best - "I'm a lover, not a fighter."

Now back to yesterday's post. I think that I regressed about ten years back when I sent out an email to a large group of people when I was upset with an organization that will remain nameless (the names are changed or concealed to protect the innocent, or more importantly the guilty indeed) and I sent out an email expressing why I was upset since I didn't seem to be getting anywhere with the organization management. While it did finally get some attention, it was not attention that was needed to come to a positive resolution. I got nothing but backlash and accusations from people that ultimately had already bought in to the organization's way of thinking and thus anyone thinking otherwise was not treated kindly. Yesterday's blog was no different - I typed before thinking and before discussing with the people the blog was directed towards. In turn, I received some hefty backlash from one of the people that took the hint, the others probably haven't even looked back at the Evite, much less this or any other blog of mine. I am assuming they are a lost cause for now and if they want to step back into the theater, then it's up to them to open the door themselves now - I tried opening it for you, and as far as I can tell it was slammed back in my face.

As for the one that left a comment - because of our conversation yesterday, I will not publish what you had to say because admittedly what both of us wrote was based on assumptions that we made. Have we not learned from Samuel L. Jackson?? I still don't know who Umption is, but I do think that I made an ass of myself. I don't want or need the conflict in my life, and I now realize that my desire manifests itself in what seems a cruel, "I'm not talking to you" fashion. It has been my experience that if you take a step back and breathe for a second, you can get a new, refreshed look at the situation and better understand how you got to where you are. Maybe realize why you brought that person into your theater in the first place. If you don't understand where you're coming from, you will never get to where you need to be. While head-on conflict resolution works for some people, it does not work with me. I do not scream and yell - it runs my blood pressure up. I simply shutdown. It's such a waste precious energy, and I choose to use my energy for positive endeavors. Worst of all, you end up saying something you don't mean down the road. On the other hand, writing in anger is not good either. You make assumptions, you might hurt your fingers and/or keyboard while typing, and you'll probably end up saying something that you'll regret later.

So pretty much, I'm screwed unless someone else has any bright ideas. Going on a talk show is not an option, so don't even mention it. And I'm certainly not going to Self-Pityville - doesn't sound like a nice enough vacation spot for my tastes.