It was the third of September.
That day I'll always remember, yes I will.
'Cause that was the day that my daddy died.
I never got a chance to see him.
Never heard nothing but bad things about him.
Mama, I'm depending on you to tell me the truth.
- "Papa was a Rolling Stone" - The Temptations
My thoughts are multifaceted today. First off my thoughts and prayers go out to Indianapolis Colts head coach Tony Dungy and his family as they deal with the loss of their son, James. I am sure more details of what happened are forthcoming, but now is not the time or place for rumors and other malicious thoughts about the Dungy family. I cannot think of a better public role model for African Americans and just people in general, and it is certainly a tragedy to lose a child especially during the holidays. I watched several programs on TV seeing Tony interact with this children, and it is truly inspirational to see a good parent despite all of the pressures of the media and his workplace.
Having said that, my thoughts today really surround some of my female friends that happen to have children. One in particular is having to deal with unforseen medical expenses, and the father is no where to be found (and legally responsible for the medical insurance of course). Another friend has been forced to retain a lawyer simply to get child support for their child. It makes me sick to my stomach to see these women have to struggle because these weak ass men can't man up enough to throw a little money in the mail for their defenseless child that's totally oblivious to the situation. You've been blessed with the gift of life, and you're wasting time not trying to spend every moment you can with your child. Regardless of your relationship with the mother - you liked her enough to concieve a child. There aren't enough Tony Dungy's to go around the world - so quit making excuses for why you can't pay for this or you can't come visit, and be a man and a father to your child. All you're doing is creating a vicious cycle of children that hate their father, and in turn take that frustration out on the men that they interact with in their adult life (for girls), or end up mistreating women because they don't know any better (for boys). No one is asking you to be Bill Cosby - just accept the responsibility and be a parent. It's not that hard - and you might find out that you like it.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Monday, December 12, 2005
Once I used to believe I was such a great romancer...
"Once I used to believe I was such a great romancer.
Then I came home to a woman that I could not recognize.
When I pressed her for a reason,
She refused to even answer.
It was then I felt the stranger kick me right between the eyes." - Billy Joel
One thing about being single is the fact that you have to make too many decisions. There are too many possible better choices just around the corner. Being an indecisive Libra, having so many choices can make me uncomfortable, and usually ends up with me not making the best choice for me. This weekend turned out to be an instance when my making the wrong choice didn't come back to hurt me in the end (at least it hasn't yet).
Friday, I was supposed to be meeting a young lady after work and got stood up. To add insult to injury, while I was waiting at the meeting place, my ex walks in and does everything in her power to ignore me (Apparently, we aren't at a point where we can be civil with each other, but that's another conversation.). At that point I was completely thrown out of sorts and really just wanted to go home. Before I did that, I called a special friend of mine that I have gone out on a few dates with before. Our conversations have been some of the most stimulating conversations that I have had in a very, very, very long time. She's even gotten me to learn a few Merengue and Bachata steps - and any of my friends should be incredibly impressed with that. When I am with her, I feel like I can talk about anything for once in my life and not feel like I am being constantly judged. I felt bad about calling her because I didn't want her to feel like she was a last resort or something. We already talked about taking things slow and seeing other people in the meantime, but it took someone standing me up to realize what I had in front of my eyes already - and I thank the both of you for my education this weekend.
I always have to be careful using someone else's words to convey my thoughts, but I think that my dating experience over the past few years has been summed up very well by Billy Joel in his song, "The Stranger":
Well, we all have a face that we hide away forever
And we take them out and show ourselves when everyone has gone.
Some are satin, some are steel,
Some are silk and some are leather.
They're the faces of a stranger,
But we'd love to try them on.
Well, we all fall in love,
But we disregard the danger,
Though we share so many secrets,
There are some we never tell.
Why were you so surprised that you never saw the stranger?
Did you ever let your lover see the stranger in yourself?
Don't be afraid to try again.
Everyone goes south every now and then.
You've done it.
Why can't someone else?
You should know by now.
You've been there yourself.
Once I used to believe I was such a great romancer.
Then I came home to a woman that I could not recognize.
When I pressed her for a reason,
She refused to even answer.
It was then I felt the stranger kick me right between the eyes.
Well, we all fall in love
But we disregard the danger
Though we share so many secrets
There are some we never tell
Why were you so surprised that you never saw the stranger
Did you ever let your lover see the stranger in yourself.
Don't be afraid to try again.
Everyone goes south every now and then.
You've done it.
Why can't someone else?
You should know by now.
You've been there yourself.
You may never understand how the stranger is inspired.
But he isn't always evil and he is not always wrong.
Though you drown in good intensions,
You will never quench the fire.
You'll give in to your desire when the stranger comes along
...
One thing that I need to learn (especially with my indecisiveness) is that we all still put on the face of a stranger when we are dating, and to stop looking for some greener grass and instead try to cultivate the grass I'm on already. I've been giving into my desire too much and not giving the time and respect that certain people are worthy of. That is something that will definitely change starting now - no need to wait until next month for a resolution.
Then I came home to a woman that I could not recognize.
When I pressed her for a reason,
She refused to even answer.
It was then I felt the stranger kick me right between the eyes." - Billy Joel
One thing about being single is the fact that you have to make too many decisions. There are too many possible better choices just around the corner. Being an indecisive Libra, having so many choices can make me uncomfortable, and usually ends up with me not making the best choice for me. This weekend turned out to be an instance when my making the wrong choice didn't come back to hurt me in the end (at least it hasn't yet).
Friday, I was supposed to be meeting a young lady after work and got stood up. To add insult to injury, while I was waiting at the meeting place, my ex walks in and does everything in her power to ignore me (Apparently, we aren't at a point where we can be civil with each other, but that's another conversation.). At that point I was completely thrown out of sorts and really just wanted to go home. Before I did that, I called a special friend of mine that I have gone out on a few dates with before. Our conversations have been some of the most stimulating conversations that I have had in a very, very, very long time. She's even gotten me to learn a few Merengue and Bachata steps - and any of my friends should be incredibly impressed with that. When I am with her, I feel like I can talk about anything for once in my life and not feel like I am being constantly judged. I felt bad about calling her because I didn't want her to feel like she was a last resort or something. We already talked about taking things slow and seeing other people in the meantime, but it took someone standing me up to realize what I had in front of my eyes already - and I thank the both of you for my education this weekend.
I always have to be careful using someone else's words to convey my thoughts, but I think that my dating experience over the past few years has been summed up very well by Billy Joel in his song, "The Stranger":
Well, we all have a face that we hide away forever
And we take them out and show ourselves when everyone has gone.
Some are satin, some are steel,
Some are silk and some are leather.
They're the faces of a stranger,
But we'd love to try them on.
Well, we all fall in love,
But we disregard the danger,
Though we share so many secrets,
There are some we never tell.
Why were you so surprised that you never saw the stranger?
Did you ever let your lover see the stranger in yourself?
Don't be afraid to try again.
Everyone goes south every now and then.
You've done it.
Why can't someone else?
You should know by now.
You've been there yourself.
Once I used to believe I was such a great romancer.
Then I came home to a woman that I could not recognize.
When I pressed her for a reason,
She refused to even answer.
It was then I felt the stranger kick me right between the eyes.
Well, we all fall in love
But we disregard the danger
Though we share so many secrets
There are some we never tell
Why were you so surprised that you never saw the stranger
Did you ever let your lover see the stranger in yourself.
Don't be afraid to try again.
Everyone goes south every now and then.
You've done it.
Why can't someone else?
You should know by now.
You've been there yourself.
You may never understand how the stranger is inspired.
But he isn't always evil and he is not always wrong.
Though you drown in good intensions,
You will never quench the fire.
You'll give in to your desire when the stranger comes along
...
One thing that I need to learn (especially with my indecisiveness) is that we all still put on the face of a stranger when we are dating, and to stop looking for some greener grass and instead try to cultivate the grass I'm on already. I've been giving into my desire too much and not giving the time and respect that certain people are worthy of. That is something that will definitely change starting now - no need to wait until next month for a resolution.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
There’s, like, a civil war going on with black people, and there’s two sides.
"There’s, like, a civil war going on with black people, and there’s two sides. There’s black people, and there’s n-----s. And n-----s have to go." - Chris Rock
I have been told on several occasions that you are only the sum of your experiences. My experiences growing up had me getting on a bus at damn near the crack of dawn in southwest Atlanta and getting some education up in Buckhead at Morris Brandon Elementary, Sutton Middle, and North Fulton High (later known at North Atlanta High).
During those years, I can't begin to count the number of fights that I had to avoid with the kids that I would play with near my house simply because of the way I talked. Kids turning their nose up at me and asking "Why you talk so proper?" was one of those most ridiculous questions you could ever ask me. It's like asking a fish "Why are you in the water?" - it's natural to me. Why does it matter that I choose to annunciate when I talk? Why didn't these kids ever ask my parents why THEY talk so proper? To add to the insanity, I got ridiculed on the other side of town at school for what was in essence the same thing. I recall my fourth grade teacher accusing me of plagiarism because I used the word "acknowledged" in a report... so now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because apparently I need to act dumb so I don't get beat up at home, and do the same thing at school so that Mrs. H doesn't know that I know what a thesaurus is at such a young age.
Too much of anything will kill you. It's a proven fact. There was a lady that tried to "wash" the cancer out of her system by drinking nothing but water and died from kidney failure. Going to fast food joints will run your cholesterol levels sky high (I know this from personal experience). There is no difference when it comes to being "too black" or "too white" or too-whatever your racial background may be. My father is fond of saying "Fear is the mind killer" all of the time - there is probably no truer statement out there. Being afraid to go beyond your own boundaries and make something of yourself will kill you. Your mind is a muscle - use it or lose it. Living your life with ignorance and hate in your heart will only serve to hurt you in the end. Those people like me and the teenager mentioned in this AJC article are going to be just fine. Perhaps those people that chastise us for not living up to the stereotypes laid before us by the media are actually there for a reason - to give us something to aspire NOT to be.
I have been told on several occasions that you are only the sum of your experiences. My experiences growing up had me getting on a bus at damn near the crack of dawn in southwest Atlanta and getting some education up in Buckhead at Morris Brandon Elementary, Sutton Middle, and North Fulton High (later known at North Atlanta High).
During those years, I can't begin to count the number of fights that I had to avoid with the kids that I would play with near my house simply because of the way I talked. Kids turning their nose up at me and asking "Why you talk so proper?" was one of those most ridiculous questions you could ever ask me. It's like asking a fish "Why are you in the water?" - it's natural to me. Why does it matter that I choose to annunciate when I talk? Why didn't these kids ever ask my parents why THEY talk so proper? To add to the insanity, I got ridiculed on the other side of town at school for what was in essence the same thing. I recall my fourth grade teacher accusing me of plagiarism because I used the word "acknowledged" in a report... so now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because apparently I need to act dumb so I don't get beat up at home, and do the same thing at school so that Mrs. H doesn't know that I know what a thesaurus is at such a young age.
Too much of anything will kill you. It's a proven fact. There was a lady that tried to "wash" the cancer out of her system by drinking nothing but water and died from kidney failure. Going to fast food joints will run your cholesterol levels sky high (I know this from personal experience). There is no difference when it comes to being "too black" or "too white" or too-whatever your racial background may be. My father is fond of saying "Fear is the mind killer" all of the time - there is probably no truer statement out there. Being afraid to go beyond your own boundaries and make something of yourself will kill you. Your mind is a muscle - use it or lose it. Living your life with ignorance and hate in your heart will only serve to hurt you in the end. Those people like me and the teenager mentioned in this AJC article are going to be just fine. Perhaps those people that chastise us for not living up to the stereotypes laid before us by the media are actually there for a reason - to give us something to aspire NOT to be.
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