A Matter of Trust

Some love is just a lie of the heart
The cold remains of what began with a passionate start
And they may not want it to end
But it will, it's just a question of when
I've lived long enough to have learned
The closer you get to the fire the more you get burned
But that won't happen to us
'Cause it's always been a matter of trust

I know you're an emotional girl
It took a lot for you to not lose your faith in this world
I can't offer you proof
But you're gonna face a moment of truth
It's hard when you're always afraid
You just recover when another belief is betrayed
So break my heart if you must
It's a matter of trust

You can't go the distance
With too much resistance
I know you have doubts
But for God's sake don't shut me out

This time you've got nothing to lose
You can take it, you can leave it, whatever you choose
I won't hold back anything
And I'll walk away a fool or a king
Some love is just a lie of the mind
It's make believe until it's only a matter of time
And some might have learned to adjust
But then it never was a matter of trust

(INSTRUMENTAL INTERLUDE)

I'm sure you're aware love,
We've both had our share of believing too long
When the whole situation was wrong

Some love is just a lie of the soul
A constant battle for the ultimate state of control
After you've heard lie upon lie
There can hardly be a question of why
Some love is just a lie of the heart
The cold remains of what began with a passionate start
But that can't happen to us
'Cause it's always been a matter of trust

It's a matter of trust
It's always been a matter of trust
It's a matter of trust

"A Matter of Trust" - Billy Joel

In the middle of the night I woke up from a dream that I was still married... and helping my wife find a hotel to stay at for her "Girl's Night Out"... and in telling her where she could park for the night realized that she parked in the very same parking ramp that I park in every morning for work for one of her evenings with this married man - and I told her to do it. So now every time I pull into this structure at 517 Marquette Avenue in Downtown Minneapolis pictured below, I will have the honor of knowing my marriage was being dishonored just steps away.

So now, not only do I get to drive by the building that they both work in (and probably had relations in the parking lot or in various rooms on that campus) at the edge of downtown every morning, but I also get to park my car at one of the many scenes of the crime that was a marriage between me and her. I continue to wrap my head around the fact that this woman is someone I once trusted everything with.

It makes me wonder what other deceit did she use to perpetuate this show for 492 days... One of her girlfriends that I learned recently got married made the comment to her that she thought I was gay when we reconnected a few years ago... I wonder if she used that as justification to her friends, coworkers, and family to sleep with a married man with 2 kids. Just exactly how deep is this wound? How far down in the rabbit hole will I fall? How many more random people am I going to run into in the streets of Minneapolis are going to tell me that "Had I known you better I would have told you to leave that chick alone" or "Yeah, that chick is crazy - I just didn't know you well enough to say that" ? Really?

I submit to you that trust is fickle. When I moved here, this woman was upset with me for buying a car that made my monthly payments increase by about $150 a month, but was a brand new car with 0% interest, and got me out of a car that I had in effect been paying the same amount per month when you factor in repairs that had been made over the time I owned it. She said to me that "I am going to have a hard time trusting you again" - and I took that challenge seriously. I just wish I had known that mean I should have been questioning my trust of her as well.

I've lived long enough to have learned
The closer you get to the fire the more you get burned
But that won't happen to us
'Cause it's always been a matter of trust

Well, Mr. Joel... I definitely got way to close to the fire this time, and probably should be going to the hospital with these 3rd-degree burns I've gotten from this experience. And once again as of this post, I have yet to receive an apology phone call, email, text, letter, or anything. Lesson learned? First and foremost, I think I need to go find another place to park in Downtown Minneapolis. Second, It's always been a matter of trust - don't be afraid to use it again just because you got screwed over by a selfish, self-centered, egotistical, delusional person that somehow can make committing adultery themselves the other person's fault.