Some Evite Etiquette...

If you want something to play with
Then go and find yourself a toy
Baby, my time is too expensive
And I'm not a little boy

If you are serious
Don't play with my heart, it makes me furious
But if want me to love you
Then, baby, I will, girl, you know I will

Tell it like it is
Don't be ashamed to let your conscience be your guide
But I-I-I-I-I know deep down inside of me
I believe you love me, forget your foolish pride

Life is too short to have sorrow
You may be here today and gone tomorrow
You might as well get what you want
So go on and live, baby, go on and live

Tell it like it is
I'm nothin' to play with, go and find yourself a toy
But I-I-I-I-I
Tell it like it is
My time is too expensive
And I'm not your little boy

FADE
Mm mm, tell it like it is

"Tell It Like It Is" - Aaron Neville

Not to read into the lyrics too much, but it gets a very good point across. So I don't make you sit here and read until your eyes dry up, I'll go ahead and get to the point, which is this - if someone invites you to an event they are throwing... or better yet if I invite you to an event that I am throwing - it's not out of spite, malice, feeling sorry for, or anything along those lines. I invited you because I wanted to see you and hopefully share in a fun evening - something that probably wouldn't happen under normal circumstances if we were alone. Some good public interaction would hopefully lead to a positive working friendship down the road - everything and everyone has to have a starting point.

To tie in the Evite etiqutte, as a general rule, when I respond to Evites, especially when I cannot attend, I will at least take a moment and say "Sorry, I have other plans already" or "Can't wait - see you then" - nothing too fancy, but enough to let the host know that I appreciate the fact that you thought enough of me to invite me to your event. It's the least you can do.

By simply putting down that you're not going to attend and not sending any other information my way gives me a few notions:

1. I don't care to be around you and your friends and family.
2. I don't care to be bothered with you.
3. You repulse me and you're lucky I even responded.
4. You have a lot of nerve to want to see me after not contacting me in the past.

I could go for days speculating about what is going on, but wading in the past is not something I'm too fond of these days. To quote Mr. Joel as I do so often, "The good 'ol days weren't always good, and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems..."

My point is this - if we were friends in the past we can be friends again in the future. Someone has to take that first step, and then it's up to the other person to take the next one. Tell it like it is - if you don't want to be friends with me, then let me know and I can move on with my life and you can move on with yours.

...and I'll never see you if I had no loot...

Da-da-da-day, da-da-da-da-day-ay,
Da-da-da-day, da-da-da-da-day-ay
Da-da-da-day, da-da-da-da-day-ay

If the shoe fits I want you to wear it, and wear it good,
ah-ah, ah-ah-yeah, ah-ah-hah

Talkin' 'bout them times when I was by myse-e-elf,
I would always be lookin' for somebody else
But as time went on I had a talk with my mi-i-ind,
friends like you and you I gotta leave behind

And so, you ca-all me your friend but you only want my gifts
And I'll never see you if I had no loot, I'll never see them
I'm just glad I know the truth
and I'm payin' my own bills and I'll never ever depe-end on you

Friends and enemies around me everyday,
I can't believe half the things they say
Takin' me for granted givin' no credit at all,
I'll just keep bouncin' like a bouncin' ball
Everybody seems to disappear on me-ee,
can't trust no one as far as I can see
If I could be that fly that's on the wa-a-all,
listenin' to my friends talk about it all

You ca-all me your friend but you only want my gifts
And I'll never see you if I had no loot, I'll never see them
I'm just glad I know the truth
and I'm payin' my own bills
And I'll never ever depend on you, some soul you are

I don't mean to step on nobody's foot, but ah -

When I need somebody there's nobody to ca-a-all
When they need me, my phone rings off the wall
But these are my friends and that so what they say-ay-ay
Constantly takin' from me everyday, you say

You ca-all me your friend but you only want my gifts
And I'll never see you if I had no loot, I'll never see them
I'm just glad I know the truth
and I'm payin' my own bills
And I'll never ever depe-end on you

"If I Had No Loot" - Tony! Toni! Toné!

There is a manifesto that I chose to live by several years ago called "Life is a Theater", and every so often I must remind myself of that. The past few weeks have been another one of those moments in my life when I needed to evaluate myself as well as those that I choose to spend time with.

This past weekend I drove to Washington, DC with my girlfriend for a wedding that she was participating in. I got the chance to see one of my oldest friends from back in middle school, as well as a good friend of mine that I met in Atlanta through another friend. One thing my girlfriend pointed out to me in meeting both of them (that I guess I already knew at this point anyway) is that all of my friends are very different from one another in terms of personality, preferences, mannerisms, etc.

What was different about this epiphany was that I started looking back on some friends that I grew up with and no longer hang out with regularly because of various reasons, but primarily because I saw our lives moving in conflicting areas. When I first read this statement relating life to a theater, I began to understand why:

***

Life Is A Theater - Choose Your Audience Carefully

Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives.
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a DISTANCE.
It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of, or at least
minimize your time with, draining, negative, incompatible,
not-going-anywhere relationships/friendships.

Observe the relationships around you.
Pay attention.
Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?
When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know or appreciate you?
The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of Your Life.

"If you cannot change the people around you, CHANGE the people you are around."
Remember that the people we hang with will have an impact on both our lives and our income. And so we must be careful to choose the people we hang out with, as well as the information with which we feed our minds.
We should not share our dreams with negative people, Nor feed our dreams with negative thoughts.
It's your choice and your life..... It's up to you who and what you let in it......

***

I can't think of a better analogy to the way you should perceive those around you. Maybe it takes a while to notice those people around you that are draining and make you feel worse than you did before you see them. First time, shame on you - second time, shame on ME. Looking back on this past weekend and my girlfriend's comment - I also realized that my truly positive, good friends can mix and mingle with any of my other friends and we can all have a good time regardless of where we are. Those are the people that I want in the front of my theater - not the ones that rub everyone around them the wrong way (myself included). It's not my intention to sit here and say that I will never speak to them again (although I could easily do that), I just want to step back and see what happens when that negative vibe isn't around me as much. Is that distraction keeping me from doing something that I need to do? What kind of karma am I bringing to myself by participating in your destructive activities?

Whatever the answers to those questions may be, it is my obligation to myself to find that answer. If that means that you're not in the front of my theater, I hope that you will understand. I completely understand if I'm in the back of yours - or not even invited in.

I Can't Drive 55!

One foot on the brake and one on the gas, hey!
Well, there's too much traffic, I can't pass, no!
So I tried my best illegal move
Well, baby, black and white come and touched my groove again!

Gonna write me up a 125
Post my face wanted dead or alive
Take my license, all that jive
I can't drive 55!
Oh No!
Uh!

So I signed my name on number 24, hey!
Yeah the judge said, "Boy, just one more... We're gonna throw your ass in the city joint" Looked me in the eye, said, "You get my point?"
I said Yea!, Oh yea!

Write me up a 125
Post my face wanted dead or alive
Take my license, all that jive
I can't drive 55!
Oh, yea!
I can't drive 55!
I can't drive 55!
I can't drive 55!
I can't drive 55!
Uh!

-solo-
When I drive that slow, you know it's hard to steer.
And I can't get get my car out of second gear.
What used to take two hours now takes all day. Huh!
It took me 16 hours to get to L.A.

Gonna write me up a 125
Post my face wanted dead or alive
Take my license, all that jive
I can't drive 55!
No, no no,
I can't drive...
(I can't drive 55!)
I can't drive...
(I can't drive 55!)
I can't drive 55!

-- "I Can't Drive 55", by Sammy Hagar


Anyone that's driven with me knows this is my theme song while driving... and 90% of those same people think I'm DWC - Driving While Crazy. I respectfully disagree.

I grew up in a city that's too busy to hate because we're constantly trying to hurry up and get somewhere. If there's a traffic jam, I've come to accept that I am going to be travelling somewhere between 2-10 miles per hour for a little time. That's fine. When traffic opens up, however, this is my chance to make up that time and possibly make it to my destination on time for a change. Are policies and laws created to control traffic, or does traffic create laws and policies? When you are speeding down the road, isn't it just plain instinct to hit your brakes when you see a police officer on the side of the road - regardless of if you are actually speeding or not?

Does speed kill? Nope - incapable drivers kill. Driving fast doesn't automatically make you a "good" driver. My father and I have talked on several occasions about making a second class of driver's license, allowing these drivers to drive at a speed above the posted speed limit because they have deomonstrated the ability to handle themselves in emergency situations and another battery of tests. Your license plate would be designated with a special tag on the front and rear of your car so that people would see you in their rear view mirror, as well as in front of them. A convoluted idea, maybe. But there has to be something better than the way in which police officers arbitrarily enforce traffic laws. If you are speeding, switching lanes without notice, cutting people off left and right, etc. then by all means pull them over and give them a citation. And if you click on the "I Can't Drive 55" link at the top, you will see why 55 isn't the answer either.

As for me... I'll keep on driving like I drive - if you see a VW emblem in your rear view, consider getting out of it's way - it might be me!